That's Not Punny!!!

[mtolypetsupply]

Two pieces of Rope ride into town on their horses and are thirsty, but the Saloons are notorious for not serving their kind around here. One Rope says to the other, "I'm going in, I'll give it a try." So the Rope walks in the Saloon, sits down, and orders two beers. Bartender says, "We don't serve Ropes around here."

The Rope goes back outside and tells his friend what happened. They're both sad and thirsty. The First Rope says, "I have an idea." He twists and contorts his body in a frantic effort, then pulls at his top end and bottom end. "There! NOW I'll get us some beers!"

He walks in, best he can, and asks the bartender for two beers. Bartender says, "Weren't you just in here? I told you we don't serve Ropes here, and you're a Rope!"

He says, "No sir, I'm afraid not."




All right, if you don't get it, just keep saying the last line until you do.

[infernalis]

I'm A Frayed Knot....

[Charlet_2007]

Guess That Song...

Can you guess the true titles of these seemingly alien Christmas songs? I'll post the real names of the songs tomorrow.. See how many you get right?

1. Bleached Yule
2. Castaneous-colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration
3. Singular Yearning for the Twin Anterior Incisors
4. Righteous Darkness
5. Arrival Time: 2400 hrs - Weather: Cloudless
6. Loyal Followers Advance
7. Far Off in a Feeder
8. Array the Corridor
9. Bantam Male Percussionist
10. Monarchial Triad
11. Nocturnal Noiselessness
12. Jehovah Deactivate Blithe Chevaliers
13. Red Man En Route to Borough
14. Frozen Precipitation Commence
15. Proceed and Enlighten on the Pinnacle
16. The Quadruped with the Vermillion Probiscis
17. Query Regarding Identity of Descendant
18. Delight for this Planet
19. Give Attention to the Melodious Celestial Beings
20. The Dozen Festive 24 Hour Intervals

[anji1971]

These are great, Natalie!
I got them all pretty quickly, with the exception of #2. Must go and google the word "castaneous".......
OK, got it! Fun stuff.

[Charlet_2007]

well post them lol

[anji1971]

Oh, alright......... Here they are.
1. White Christmas
2. Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire
3. All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth
4. O Holy Night
5. It Came Upon the Midnight Clear
6. O Come all ye Faithful
7. Away in a Manger
8. Deck the Halls
9. The Little Drummer Boy
10. We Three Kings
11. Silent Night
12. God Rest ye Merry Gentlemen
13. Santa Clause is Coming to Town
14. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
15. What Child Is This?
16. Joy to the World
17. Let It Snow
18. Go Tell it On the Mountain
19.Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
20. The 12 days of Christmas

[Charlet_2007]

1. White Christmas
2. Chestnuts Roasting over an Open Fire
3. All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth
4. O Holy Night
5. He came upon a Midnight Clear
6. O Come All Ye Faithful
7. Away in a Manger
8. Deck the Halls
9. The Little Drummer Boy
10. We Three Kings
11. Silent Night
12. God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman
13. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
14. Let it Snow
15. Go Tell it on the Mountain
16. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
17. What Child is This
18. Joy to the World
19. Hark the Herald Angels Sing
20. The Twelve Days of Christmas

[Charlet_2007]

Brave Captain Smith...

One fine day, Brave Captain Smith and his crew of sailors were sailing the ocean blue. Suddenly, on the horizon, there loomed a ship with a skull & crossbones raised on the mast.

The crew was frantic, seeking refuge and asking the captain what to do. Brave Captain Smith looked at the approaching ship for a moment and said "Bring me my red shirt."

The call was taken up at once by a cabin boy. As soon as Smith had the shirt in his possession, he ordered the man at the wheel to head straight for the pirate ship. In the ensuing fight, the pirate ship was all but destroyed.

The sailors were recounting their individual triumphs when someone asked Captain Smith why he had asked for his red shirt before the battle.

He responded "If I was wounded, I did not want your confidence to wane. This way, you would keep fighting no matter what happened to me."

The crew had a new found admiration for its captain, and the crew talked all night about his bravery. About a week later, there loomed on the horizon TEN pirate ships. Once again, the crew looked to its captain for leadership. Calmly, Captain Smith said "Bring me my brown pants."

[Charlet_2007]

Hey That's My Dad For Ya..

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 69). We decided to grab a bite at the food court.
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.
My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.

'Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'

[Charlet_2007]

Towards the end of the golf course, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back into play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden . .. POOF!!

In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, 'I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life: better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life... As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything the rest of your life!!!

Then POOF! . .. . She was gone!

After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, 'Fred, where are you?'

Fred yells back 'I'm over here in the pussy willows.'

Dave shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, Fred; FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING!!!'