Its oh so quiet Shh Shh

[gregmonsta]

I do hope that you'll consider the fact that text rarely succeeds in conveying a tone or an accompanying facial expression. Asking for a clarification is always an option.

I've seen this causing problems in online debate/argument/etc more often than I can remember. I even managed to cause offense through use of a 'smiley' which seemed to mean something completely different to the OP than the image I saw it as being.

[mikem]

i tend to avoid sensitive topics most of the time for that reason alone.

[EasternGirl]

What Greg said. I got upset when I first read what Jesse wrote...and then I thought about it...I actually broke up with someone and lost a friend over misunderstandings through stupid texting and the fact that you cannot convey nor comprehend tone and inflection through typing. I have since learned never to have important conversations with people through text. If I get angry about something that I think someone is implying through text, I ask them to clarify before I react...saves a lot of arguments and friendships. Now, John is mad at Jesse, Jesse is mad at John, Stefan is mad at John....and if we had all been sitting in a room having this conversation, it probably would have gone down very differently. With that being said..."Poo Happens" is not the most sensitive remark to be made in response to people talking about children dying in a school shooting...no matter how you interpret the remark. I can see how that would offend people. It was a little offensive given the tragedy. It didn't sit well with me when I read it either.

[RedSidedSPR]

Wasn't intended to offend anyone.

[PINJOHN]

first let me say its not my intention to go into protracted discussions about this comment, its bad enough that i am one half of the reason why this sordid episode is being played out on the pages of a site which has a moral code which allows members and other parents to freely allow their kids spend their time on site.You say, Stefan, that text rarely succeeds in conveying a tone well, this text succeeded in spectacular fashion, it wasn't sympathetic, it wasn't informative, just what was supposed to be conveyed ?.
In reality this was an uncalled for, needless, unnecessary throwaway comment lacking in any vestige of empathy or compassion, you yourself appear to agree with me Stefan if i have read you right, when you say that" keeping this comment in the back of your mind has helped you cope with tragedy", and that's just where the rest of us kept this comment, you got it spot on because we didn't rush out and drop this pearl of wisdom down the ear's of friends and family and we certainly didn't dash for the key board to cut into posts expressing the fear and worries of several mom's in the site.
No attempt was made to even preface the two words as in...Isn't it terrible when this [sh*t happens] no just those two stark unsympathetic words which i fail to see as any thing other than an allegedly smart Alec comment.
I have always assumed that people deal with these tragedy's in one of three ways one the person who is upset and wishes to express that emotion, two the person who is equally shocked but keeps his feelings inside, and then there are the people who are untouched by anyone else's personal heartbreak, only we actually know just were we fall in these categories.
In regards to my "cheap shot" i was in somewhat a red mist and could have made my point better, and that point is if I, you, or some other member of the site were to have sent a sympathy card to the parents of these poor kids and our dedication was SH*T HAPPENS is there any chance at all that these poor people would not be devastated, and would you attempt to justify the word's telling them they" should not read too much into the comments that they are not meant to down play the tragedy, i suspect not".
lastly in regard to the two options you put forward, i did not request an apology but of the two that would be my preference as the other alternative is so very disagreeable to my amiable nature, besides being in the trade i'm in, i deal with that scenario from drunks and druggy's at least twice a month, usually quite successfully.

[kibakiba]

I personally didn't take offense to Jesse's comment, but I grew up around drug addicts, drug dealers, and drunks. I've learned that sometimes really stupid **** happens and there isn't anything you can do to prevent it sometimes. A lot of horrible stuff has happened in my family and in my life, and for some people, their way of dealing with upsetting feelings is to just say "**** happens" and ignore it. You can't change how people deal with things, the best thing to do is to at least try to understand how they feel, and leave it at that. Arguing about one simple comment made is, quite honestly, extremely stupid.
I'm a very personable lady, I'm kind and I like to help people, but I don't allow other's problems to affect me, and because of that, people think I'm a cold heartless bitch when I can't get myself to feel really bad. To expect someone to become extremely upset over that is like expecting someone to feel misery and sadness, when things are already bad for them. I already suffer with severe depression, and I have let other peoples problems affect me to the point where I couldn't stand life any longer. I still have that problem, because there's such a fine line between being absurdly upset over something, to the point where I feel like I cant stand life, and where I feel like I could care less. I can't have that balance like other people can. You can't say that I am a bad person, or jesse is a bad person, or anyone else is a bad person because of something like that.
Of course, I doubt anyone would say to the parents "oh, **** happens"... But, to ones self or to friends, **** happens. It does. Can't change it. But, how about every drop it? It happened. It's over, done. There is nothing you can do for those people that will make it better. Hell, it could be a lot worse.
For all you know, Jesse could be really upset about what happened, but he's putting on a tough front. No one seems to have thought of that, you just assume that he's being completely heartless and uncaring. That is rude. He already said it wasn't intended to offend.. So stop. This is stupid.

[Stefan-A]

first let me say its not my intention to go into protracted discussions about this comment, its bad enough that i am one half of the reason why this sordid episode is being played out on the pages of a site which has a moral code which allows members and other parents to freely allow their kids spend their time on site.You say, Stefan, that text rarely succeeds in conveying a tone well, this text succeeded in spectacular fashion, it wasn't sympathetic, it wasn't informative, just what was supposed to be conveyed ?.

It's a bit late to start worrying about intentions or start asking what was supposed to be conveyed. You've tossed your stone already, does it only occur to you now to wonder whether it was justified?

In reality this was an uncalled for, needless, unnecessary throwaway comment lacking in any vestige of empathy or compassion,

That is a matter of perspective. Which matters to you more, how you perceive something or how it's intended to be perceived? Does the thought count at all?

you yourself appear to agree with me Stefan if i have read you right,

No, I don't believe you did read me right.

No attempt was made to even preface the two words as in...Isn't it terrible when this [sh*t happens] no just those two stark unsympathetic words which i fail to see as any thing other than an allegedly smart Alec comment.

I read it in the context set up by the previous post, where Marnie talks about the failure to prevent such tragedies.

I have always assumed that people deal with these tragedy's in one of three ways one the person who is upset and wishes to express that emotion, two the person who is equally shocked but keeps his feelings inside, and then there are the people who are untouched by anyone else's personal heartbreak, only we actually know just were we fall in these categories.

Yet you assume that "at least two of thamnophis.com members" belong to that third group. You know what, I'm going to presume that anyone showing any dismay over the shooting is actually completely indifferent and just pretends to care, or exaggerates significantly, because that's what society expects. Would you consider that analysis fair?

In regards to my "cheap shot" i was in somewhat a red mist and could have made my point better, and that point is if I, you, or some other member of the site were to have sent a sympathy card to the parents of these poor kids and our dedication was SH*T HAPPENS is there any chance at all that these poor people would not be devastated, and would you attempt to justify the word's telling them they" should not read too much into the comments that they are not meant to down play the tragedy, i suspect not".

And you don't think that people choose their words differently when they talk to those who have just suffered a loss, than when they're discussing tragedies in general terms?

lastly in regard to the two options you put forward,

I choose neither.

i did not request an apology but of the two that would be my preference

And assuming that those two aren't the only options, what exactly is it that you want?

as the other alternative is so very disagreeable to my amiable nature, besides being in the trade i'm in, i deal with that scenario from drunks and druggy's at least twice a month, usually quite successfully.

Which are you implying that I am?

[chris-uk]

Stefan, you're supposed to moderate these forums, which in my book means keeping them calm and diffusing arguments like this, rather than behaving in a way that propagates them and keeps them rolling on. This line of discussion, in my opinion, is serving no purpose here. I'm disappointed in the way this is continuing.

Can I suggest that we draw a line under this before it snowballs? Jesse posted something which had an ambiguous context, one could have been innocent, one offensive to some.

Now how about we settle this down? How does this sort of whoha look to new members? If there's more to be said take it to PMs.

[RedSidedSPR]

I'm not gonna argue, I'll just dig myself in a deeper hole... :/

But I'll say again, that I am by no means downplaying the incidents, and not heartlessly shrugging it off like you all think.

I read it in the context set up by the previous post, where Marnie talks about the failure to prevent such tragedies.

YES.

Stefan, you're supposed to moderate these forums, which in my book means keeping them calm and diffusing arguments like this, rather than behaving in a way that propagates them and keeps them rolling on.

Oh c'mon. Stefan isn't doing anything wrong by returning his opinion.

[kibakiba]

Everyone else is voicing their own opinions, why cant Stefan? Just because he's a mod?