That's Not Punny!!!

[infernalis]

Now that's punny Don.

[jitami]

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.



Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he
looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend

now that Grandpa went to heaven?"



Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my
bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me

feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV

as my boyfriend."


Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She

started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.

Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix

the problem.



The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the
door, and there stood Grandma's minister.



The minister said, "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"



The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her
boyfriend."



The minister fainted.

[jitami]

A newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month."

The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying, and the husband is obviously very depressed.
"You are back so soon...Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired. "We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly.

The pastor asked him what happened. "Well, the first week was difficult. However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible......anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts.

One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there," admitted the man, shamefacedly. "You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"We know." said the young man, hanging his head, "We're not welcome at Home Depot, either......

[jitami]

George Bush meets with the Queen of England.

He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.."

Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"

The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"


Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"

The Queen smiles "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "Well, your Majesty, that would be me."

"Yes, Very good," says the Queen.

Bush goes back home to ask **** Cheney, his Vice President, the same question. "****, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," says Cheney, "let me get back to you on that one."

Cheney goes to his Advisors and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall. Cheney shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me?

Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"

Cheney smiles, and says, "Thanks!"

Then, Cheney goes back to speak with Bush. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell."

Bush gets up, stomps over to Cheney and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!".

[drache]

a man comes into a bar and orders a beer
after planting himself on a bar stool, he puts on the bar counter a doll house sized grand piano, complete with bench and - a real life little guy in tails who proceeds to sit down at the piano and play the most amazing classical music
of course it only takes moments for everyone to gather around and exclaim over this unbelievable sight -"oohh" and "aahh", and the guy is just sort of sitting there
finally, someone asks him: "man this is fantastic, where did you get this thing?" and he answers: " there's a Djinn outside the building and he's giving out free wishes, but you have to speak very clearly, because he's hard of hearing
"how do you know?" asks one of the onlookers
he just gives him a withering look and says
"do you seriously think I'd ask for a six inch pianist?'

[brain]

A newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month."

The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying, and the husband is obviously very depressed.
"You are back so soon...Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired. "We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly.

The pastor asked him what happened. "Well, the first week was difficult. However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible......anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts.

One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there," admitted the man, shamefacedly. "You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"We know." said the young man, hanging his head, "We're not welcome at Home Depot, either......

Now thas funny I don't care who you are
Lord please forgive me and bless them little pigmies in New Guinea

[Charlet_2007]

It Happened Like This, See - Part Two...

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words.

I had been driving for 40 years when I feel asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

I told the police that I was not injured but on removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run so I ran over him.

I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentlemen as he bounced off the hood of my car.

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.

[Stefan-A]

YouTube - Nightwish-Fishmaster

[Charlet_2007]

WOW funny i like the back ground music tho lol ill have it stuck in my head all night now lol...

[ssssnakeluvr]

the pastor in charge of a congregation of nuns called them all in for a meeting. I have some distressing news the pastor told the nuns. It seems that a pair of men's pants was found in the ladies rest room.
all the nuns gasped and one in the back went "hee hee hee"
the pastor continues..also a pair of men's underwear were found in the bathroom..
all the nuns gasped and one in the back went "hee hee hee"
the pastor continues...also a used condom was found in the bathroom!
all the nuns gasped and one in the back went "hee hee hee"
but the pastor says, God shall punish the sinners!!!!!! there was a hole in the condom!!!!!

all the nuns went "hee hee hee" and one in the back gasped!!!!!