Wow, you've been through a lot!! You can thwack/thump a pinkie on the head to knock it out before feeding it to the snake. I do only frozen thawed and it's the only way I can stomach it. I love all critters, so it took a lot for me to get to the point where I was even comfortable with the idea of feeding f/t. It gets easier after a few weeks - then it's absolutely fascinating. My ball python takes small mice, so I haven't had to do pinkies. I hear they're gross f/t cause they're so small and kinda like jello when they thaw, ew. Anyway, kudos to you!! You're doing great!!